Writing Exercise – Bored Athlete meets Lovesick Witch
So the second part of the online tutorial for the creative writing course (A215 from the Open University) was to take the character that I made up in the first part (the lovesick witch) and then write a dialogue scene where she met one of the other characters. I had a choice of two others, either of which would have made a good scene. I chose the bored athlete because one of the other students had already posted a meeting between the lovesick witch and the introvert adolescent.
The target word count was 200 and most of it needed to be the dialogue, no more than a third to be scene setting. I sort of broke that last rule a bit, but think it still works. So here it is.
Bored Athlete meets Lovesick Witch
Walking home through the park some young men racing on the track caught Willow’s eye. One of them was effortlessly ahead of the others. He was tall and muscled, and as he thudded down the track towards her she could see his face twisted in a delicious frown. His blue eyes were cold, but there was a glint of satisfaction there. She detested self-obsessed sporty people, but this man was different.
He bounced to a halt in front of her, he’d seen her watching him as he ran. She was wearing tight black clothing that showed off her body. She was about a foot shorter than he was, blonde, and interesting. The others also came to a stop behind him, he could hear their exhausted panting.
‘Enjoy the show?’ he said. He wasn’t even out of breath.
‘Remarkable. You run like Bolt’ she replied.
‘You’re a fan?’
‘Not really, but you couldn’t miss the Olympics. It was compelling even though I don’t really like sports.’
Willow laughed, he was definitely a handsome young man, and witty with it.
‘I’m Dave, by the way.’ He said, holding out his hand with a smile.
‘Willow.’ She took it and looked him in the eye as she did so. Her perfume hit him, a spicy flower that hit some hard-wired buttons inside him. Her interest rate had just turned up to 11.
They stood silently for a moment.
Dave let go of Willow’s hand.
It works. Also some questions not being answered setting up interest. Why is he so good and friends so bad. Is this why he is bored? Why is here, and not doing something more challenging? etc.
Though I do wonder why our witch is wandering around in skin tight clothing. Unless there is a back story already to explain this. Is she a bit of a tart?
Only thing that jarred was this line of dialogue. Would anybody really say that, especially if they were nervous or excited and chatting up someone.
“It was compelling even though I don’t really like sports.’”
How about they said:
“I don’t really like sports.”
The bored athlete comes to me from another student, on a closed forum or I’d link to it. That said, there isn’t much and this is just a peek through a letterbox rather than part of a whole story.
Good points on the word choice though. She’s a young woman, dressed to show off her figure, but skin tight is probably the wrong expression. Needs some thought. She’s definitely supposed to be in control of herself, although this is a bit where she finds herself inexplicably affected by a member of the opposite sex.